Winter is coming

Before CRPS hearing that winter is coming would have made me happy.  I loved snow, I loved sweaters and hoodies, I loved warm boots.  Now I still love all that but CRPS puts a damper on it.  My pain levels are so much higher on a daily basis in the winter. I can't go out and play in the snow.  Wearing shoes hurts so bad and in the winter you NEED something on your feet.  I settle for fur lined slippers and fur lined boots a size too big.  At home though,  I am still barefoot since having anything on my foot makes it discolored and hurt more.

This past weekend I had a craft show I participated in.  My family carried everything to and from the van for set up and take down and during the show I got to sit the whole time.  Pain was up and I fought crying all day.  We get home and I napped but the pain woke me up. I did some range of motion exercises to try and work out the pain and keep up range of motion so I don't lose use of my leg.  Just pointing and flexing my foot sent me into a flare like you wouldn't believe.  It felt like a brick wall fell on my leg and crushed it.  I cried non stop and literally couldn't walk.  I pretty much wanted to die at that point. It took me 12 min to go 15 foot to the bathroom and back with a walker.  Before CRPS I would walk a mile in 12 min, a mile....  It is now Monday evening after the Saturday craft show and I am still trying to recover. I pay for it for days when I try and be 1/10 of my old normal.

Everyone tells me to come to accept my new normal but how can I? How can I be okay with going from, 4 to 6 photo sessions a week along with cooking, cleaning, yard work, grocery shopping, running the kids everywhere etc. To spending a few hrs SITTING at a craft show and then the pain is so bad I want to die. How can I be okay with that?  I wish I had NEVER had those ankle surgeries.  Living with a torn tendon was 100 times easier than living with CRPS. I don't know how I can get to the being okay with it stage. I feel like I am still stuck on the anger stage of dealing with grief.  How do I get past the anger? How?

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