bring me Friday back
Last week I decided to try the sympathetic nerve blocks for CRPS/RSD. I thought and researched and talked to others who had tried it and decided it was worth a shot if there was even a chance it would work for me. The doctor told me not to get disappointed if I didn't get pain relief that day that it would take time for that to build with the amount of injections, that the first time if there was a chance for them to work I would feel warmth in my foot. So I come home from the procedure on Thursday and doze all day long and discover how fantastic it feels to have a warm foot (this foot is always ice cold) and my hopes build that this is a good sign that I will have happy results as the injections build in me. That evening my foot hurts so bad that nothing is helping and I sleep 1 hr. Friday The pain is better in my bones and joint and therapy is easier but my skin is still so painful it is miserable but hey, Bone pain is better so I can live with it. Now by this point I am super happy thinking "O.M.G. I may get this horrible disease into remission!"
Saturday dawns and my bone pain is back to "meh" stage but I don't have physical work to do just stuff in my office so I stay off it all day and do okay. Sunday I wake up hurting and have to use a cane to walk for anything more than around my house.... my hopes are falling....
Today... Monday (4 days post injection) I wake up and know instantly it isn't going to be a "good" pain day. I nearly cry walking from the bedroom to the living room, and mind you, we don't have a large house or stairs or anything. I get ready for therapy and when they call my name to go back, the therapist takes one look at me and knows I hurt. She makes notes in her computer and cuts out about half of my therapy in hopes of not hurting me too bad. After therapy I hobble to my van and I cry. I cry because it hurts, I cry because I am tried, I cry because I am tired of trying to smile so people don't get tired of me hurting and disappear (because that is what chronic pain and illness does, it makes people go away) I cry because I want to be a mom and play with my kids and go places and I cry because I want Friday back.
I know I hurt, and I know what pain is, but I guess I had become accustomed to it to some level and "forgot" just how bad it is until I had almost one full day with my pain at a 2 or 3. Today when walking it is at an 8 or 9. Either that or after my almost 1 day of less pain it decides to really hurt me and go for the gusto and slam me down.
Tomorrow I see the pain management doctor again and discuss my options to see if more shots will work for me or if I need to go another route.
I just want Friday back.....
Saturday dawns and my bone pain is back to "meh" stage but I don't have physical work to do just stuff in my office so I stay off it all day and do okay. Sunday I wake up hurting and have to use a cane to walk for anything more than around my house.... my hopes are falling....
Today... Monday (4 days post injection) I wake up and know instantly it isn't going to be a "good" pain day. I nearly cry walking from the bedroom to the living room, and mind you, we don't have a large house or stairs or anything. I get ready for therapy and when they call my name to go back, the therapist takes one look at me and knows I hurt. She makes notes in her computer and cuts out about half of my therapy in hopes of not hurting me too bad. After therapy I hobble to my van and I cry. I cry because it hurts, I cry because I am tried, I cry because I am tired of trying to smile so people don't get tired of me hurting and disappear (because that is what chronic pain and illness does, it makes people go away) I cry because I want to be a mom and play with my kids and go places and I cry because I want Friday back.
I know I hurt, and I know what pain is, but I guess I had become accustomed to it to some level and "forgot" just how bad it is until I had almost one full day with my pain at a 2 or 3. Today when walking it is at an 8 or 9. Either that or after my almost 1 day of less pain it decides to really hurt me and go for the gusto and slam me down.
Tomorrow I see the pain management doctor again and discuss my options to see if more shots will work for me or if I need to go another route.
I just want Friday back.....
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