The best laid plans

Plans.  I just need to stop making plans. Every time I plan things CRPS just laughs and laughs then says no.  I had plans to be productive with designing and illustrating today. last night I didn't sleep at all. Between pain and meds I take its just not happening. By 9 this morning I was exhausted so I laid down to nap and woke up almost 6 hours later.  I woke up to my leg throbbing and hurting so bad I just laid there hoping it would go away soon.  That didn't happen.  Well, there went my day.  Hopefully this evening I can do some illustrating and relax a little.  I swear sometimes that there is someone pulling the strings related to this disease like a puppet master.  "oh, you want to take a shower? well we are going to make that a miserable experience."  "Sleep?  nope not happening either" Heaven forbid you want to be independent and go to the grocery store, you wont be able to function or walk for days. 

Sometimes I think "what I wouldn't give to have one day that is normal.  No pain, able to walk right, mental fogginess gone etc" But then I think that would be a tease and more cruel than living with it every day. I don't think I would like just one day to be normal, I think i would spin into depression super fast once the normal went back to MY normal.  A cure would be nice, or remission would be good too.  More treatment options would be amazing. Something that helps more than a little bit.  Each med and treatment I have helps a tiny bit so adding them all up helps some but not enough. I am grateful for the the some but wish that didn't come with 27 pills a day.  Those take a toll on my stomach and I don't even want to now how my liver is. I feel like a Debbie Downer today but somedays that just can't be helped. 

Short blog today, just wanted to vent. Catch you next time. 

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